I’m a Closet Essex Girl

2 Nov

When hearing of ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ I thought it would be something I would HATE. I hate the X Factor, I hate Big Brother, I basically hate anything of that genre.

Today I was feeling a little under the weather, so rinsed 4od of every remaining programme I hadn’t already watched (Already seen Virgin Diaries, Teen Undertaker, Taking Prince Harry…). For a change, I thought I would cheat on 4od and head over to ITV Iplayer.

My head was aching and I wanted a complete break from having to think, so clicked on The Only Way Is Essex.

Well, I can tell you that it genuinely left me craving a spray tan. At first, I had a good old giggle at everyone. Texting a friend, “There can’t seriously be people like this?”

Yet, as I got to episode 4 (I was dedicated) I found myself transfixed by their world. I too wanted to wear false nails, spend my afternoon spray tanning and dress in Lipsy. Minus the ‘playa’ boyfriend, this was the life for me.

Or maybe not. I will be honest, I have flirted with the lifestyle. Regular trips to the beauty salon to result in blotchy tan and monstrous talons.


I looked at the ‘Garnier summer body light sun-kissed look’ on my shelf and decided I needed to use the entire bottle tonight and run round the field next to my flat to achieve the look.

My hair is nowhere near big enough, and I definitely need to start referring to friends as ‘darl’, describing ‘haters’ as ‘jel’ and falling out with everyone I know at the Essex fashion show, just to make friends again the next day.

Or… I could just blog about it, carry on reading the papers, maybe paint my nails a subtle autumnal mushroom shade and be done with the whole idea. I’m quite content with my love of Blake and Sylvia Plath.


Not sure where that would fit in with my new look. I’ll stick with a happy medium, run round the field next to my home whilst shouting out, “YOU DO NOT DO, YOU DO NOT DO, ANYMORE BLACK SHOE!”

After all, isn’t this the new wave of feminism? We can be whatever we want to be as long as we are comfortable. I wouldn’t turn Essex for a ‘playa’, I’d do it for my own girlish pleasure.

Lots of Love,

Journo Barbie


One Response to “I’m a Closet Essex Girl”

  1. Dan King November 2, 2010 at 6:09 pm #

    The girls on that show regularly walk around in their underwear and show off their ‘vajazzles’.

    In the interests of a social experiment, I think it would be good if you followed suit and posted the results on your blog.

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