Basic Etiquette

10 Feb

A high class lady recently complained that people in this generation spend too much time discussing money, sleep and ailments. I couldn’t agree more.

When asked “how are you?”, surely a sufficient “very well thank you” is enough amongst peers. An in-depth account of how your IBS is doing is really not the best way to make friends. Yet it is not uncommon.

It seems to be the ‘in thing’ to have some sort of allergy to food these days. I was once sat on my lunch break in Leeds in an organic eatery where they tailor meals for those with dietary requirements. Great for me being veggie, even greater for the coeliac, who announced her problem with glee and decided to tell me the story of her downhill struggle with the dreaded wheat.

She chose the inviting seat next to me, although if I had put my head any lower I would have been under the table. I listened with intent to her story, before pushing my rather full plate and made a swift exit, mumbling my excuses.

Rule 1: Keep your ailments to yourself, particularly during meal times. Quite frankly, strangers do not care.

I will now go onto something I am guilty of, so maybe I should practice what I preach. SLEEP! How much are you getting? Are you getting enough? I hear Brenda from down the road is getting EIGHT HOURS A NIGHT!

In this self obsessed culture we just love talking about our sleeping patterns to anyone who will listen. Also, those words we all dread, “I had a dream last night that…”. Unless it’s short, snappy and hilarious, people just don’t want to know. I.e. “I had a dream last night that you were a horse, and you were in love with a pig.” That is fine. “I had a dream last night that I was the same person, but didn’t quite feel myself. I was looking out the window and I saw my old hairdresser, which is strange because I’ve not seen her in ages… etc…”. This is not.

Rule 2: Keep your nightly tales for the dream book. Psychiatrists are paid an awful lot to listen to these.

Next, onto the subject of money. If you have money, good on you. If you earned it yourself, even better. However, few and far between are impressed by mindless twitterings on how vast your landscape is, nor do they wish to know that you spent £200 on your t-shirt.

If you are trying to impress people, they will be able to see without you telling them that you are wealthy. If not, gaining delight by boasting around those with less money is warped. Come on, haven’t these people heard of recession chic?

Rule 3:
a) Someone with wealth should not need to boast. They should approach their wealth with an element of class. Bragging about Daddy’s shares in Man U will not impress many.

b) If you have money, this does not automatically mean you are above people.

c) More often than not, when people boast about money, it appears they are attempting to make up for something else. A flaw in the personality perhaps? Again, if you are in this category of the boastful rich, you most probably have enough money to head to a good psychiatrist to address this issue.


One Response to “Basic Etiquette”

  1. Katie Lee February 10, 2011 at 10:23 pm #

    i always tell you my dreams, in depth….. you bitch!!!!

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